Struggling!! I need to overcome.

For the past few months am really really struggling…with a wish to code. code and code.. but am really getting disappointed at this instant..Because if someone gonna evaluate me at this instant am nothing just a Big zero… I know that and the officials/teamates also know that.the only thing is that they are not gonna say that openely.I love the concepts of him..As a captain I adore him..and as a coder I wanna follow him.All he says he needs scientists..ya cent percent am agreeing with him.When you do something know each and everyloop holes of what we do..Be perfect and don’t just act like robots..As the robots gonna go in a specified path..things need to explored..solutions need to brought in extraordinary ways..In short I feel like am in a process of being a “scientist”.All his ethics,his hardwork,his dedication.It really amazed me..but actually there is nothing to amaze..these qualities is must for a captain who leads a team.
  But right now I know myself..am really a novice and am new in this field,really to be frank am for the first time being exposed to such a scenario..even years before.. I Had a wish to have a team and lead them..but things got changed ,ya it would be right if I say at somewhere along the line I changed.which lead to loose interest in this kinda stuffs..
  But right now still there is a bud inside me..which is willing to sprout and flourish.A dream which which I felt was over, is not yet.Because right now am in a family of group of young enthusiasts.which includes 5 scientists and 1 me 😉 ..I meant am nothing as compared with them.
    Now I don’t wanna get defeated..I wanna survive ..I wanna ma family..my friends everybody proud of me,and I wanna contribute something to my team..So that it can benefit all of us.and let our team reach the zenith of greatness..
You may wonder why I wish like that as some one said don’t love your company.. I don’t remember who and what that quote exactly,but guys once I too wished and it was a dream for me to make something of myown,I failed there,many reasons..and am not listing anything ya am not gonna blame anyone for that,and I know the root cause was me.So this time am with a man who is pursuing his dreams,the dreams which I had once.So I too wish to contribute..so that I can be little bit satisfied.
  But the thing is I could’nt come upto the expectation of our guys..I feel a bit down and at times am feeling like am I not suitable for this?am not being pessimistic..but continous failing forcing me to think a bit like that. Anyway am gonna try max for the next 15 days..Let me see what God has made for me.
I wish I could be with the team..I could improve.. I got to improve a lot. and am working and all I pray to almighty is that give me the energy and the willingness of the mind to succeed here.

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